That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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