We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
