you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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