why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
