You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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