it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
