So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
