You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
