i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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