Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
