I accidentally had phone sex last night
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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