Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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