So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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