And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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