Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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