i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
