so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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