i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
