I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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