Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize