i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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