we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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