yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
