I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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