End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
