Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have already put on my inside pants.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
