I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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