It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
