the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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