Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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