who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The best revenge is premature balding
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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