Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
