I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
