it's too hot outside to masturbate.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
