; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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