id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
