you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
