Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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