maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
