Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
