They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
