Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
