Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
