mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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