Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
