I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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