Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
