Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
