yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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