Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
