i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
