She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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