so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
