You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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