That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
