Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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