She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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