problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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