ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
