i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
