She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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