Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
